three years ago, aislynne, when you were about three months old, i had you in my arms. i had wanted you for a long time. and finally after a long wait, i got you. so i gathered the bits and pieces of your tiny frame into my arms to cuddle and hold close to my heart. but i soon discovered it was not me that you had waited for.
as i struggled with you, (baffled that i couldn't make you happy and content, after having two before you) holding you this way and that, bouncing you and singing to you, i realized...you must be entirely different from your brothers. maybe they were right. all those people who said girls are more dramatic and difficult from the very beginning, than boys were. could it have simply been just that. you were a girl and so you had to make it difficult for mommy? i didn't buy it, not then...
but as the night wore on i became so tired, i was barely able to hold you like i had waited so long to do, and now i was completely exuasted. as my weakend arms passed you gently to your daddy, i felt a sense of failure. but it didn't last. i'll tell you why. i watched silently as your daddy held you up, vertically on his big strong and abled shoulder. he sat down in his chair and proceded to watch football while rubbing your back. i thought to myself.."this will never work, she'll not stand for this." after all i had been sitting too, while struggling with you, as i couldn't stand on my own yet. but yet again, i was wrong.
daddy held you that way and sat in the silence of the house except the low cheers emitting from the football game, the only light on in the house was softly gleaming from the square blue box. i watched in wonder as you listened to the game. you silently drifted off to sleep on daddy's shoulder. within five minutes you were out like a light!
i sat there astounded.
how could that be? i asked daddy that very question. his reply was this "val, while you were recovering from your accident (almost two and a half months of recovery) who do you think took care of her? this is our little routine." he said simply and proudly.
i pondered that.
i had waited so long for you, but maybe you waited just as long to be with daddy. since that time, you two have had a bond that we'll never have. but i'm ok with that. i feel like my recovery time was a gift to the both of you. your daddy was there when i couldn't be and he will always be there for you no matter your age or circumstances. you are his little girl. always has been and always will be. every fall/football season and the singing of happy birthday in september will always remind me of those short months when you were so new to us. but i will remember football and you on your daddy's shoulder as the crowds quietly cheer in the background.
and i smile.
Sunday, September 13, 2009
thanks to all who came to aisy's third bday party. she had a blast and wishes her bday was everyday!!! it made willie and i very greatful to be here with tons of great friends. it means alot to us that everyone has welcomed us and befriended us so quickly. it feels like home here. i think we'll stay:) thanks again.