Thursday, November 5, 2009

anniversaries and marriage.

as mine and Willie's 12th anniversary approaches this up coming Sunday, my mind has been reflecting on the past quite a bit. the past as in the changes in each other and in our relationship. i often reflect upon the past as each anniversary approaches, but this year is different.

usually, i would reflect on all the things we've been through and what we've done with our lives. never really feeling satisfied at all with our results. so i would always ask myself, what are we celebrating. thinking that we really didn't have much to celebrate in terms of our marriage. each year seemed to be filled with what seemed to me to be "failure."

however, this year i find myself reflecting once again, but not in my usual habitual way. this year, i ask myself "how do we celebrate all that we truly are AND give it justice?" this question has changed because willie and i have changed. instead of surviving our marriage year after year, (you know the saying: "we survived another year!") we have actually figured out how to enjoy our marriage as a partnership and team. not surviving it, but living in it actively and participating in it whole hearted. no more "auto-pilot", if you will. no more separate individuals living together, but actually living together..."as one."

i finally understand what that actually means. "become as one." to me it means that willie and i really and truly want the same things and will now go about getting it in one way. two minds, two hearts, two souls merging together for the one goal. to be "single minded" as a couple. it allows us to work together and sacrifice together selflessly, both giving and taking, listening and hearing the other. yes, it may have taken us a long time to reach this point, but we did reach it. there's no going back. it is a comforting, unconditional and sacrificial love that now bonds us for eternity.

now... i think that it something to celebrate!!!

to my willie,
thank you. it is all i can say, even though it isn't enough. i feel that we have figured out the mystery of marriage, finally, and it makes me more in love with you than ever before. this, because i know you will be with me no matter what happens in our lives, and i will be with you. and that one day, we will reach that goal together. hand in hand. heart to heart. spirit to spirit. mind to mind. "AS ONE." thank you for waking up each morning and choosing me everyday. i see the proof of this in your eyes, in your thoughts, in your actions, in the sacrifices you give, and i feel it in your loving heart. may God bless us in our efforts to love each other more each day. may he bless us in our marriage and in our family that we have been lucky enough to enjoy. i love you and say thank you once again for loving me as me, without end.

love eternally,